Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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