Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
