I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
