I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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