I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
