do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
