I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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