i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
