Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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