We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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