based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
This gyro tastes like lonliness
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
