my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
