is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
