OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
