Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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