if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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