You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
