yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
