Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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