weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
