Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
