addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
