Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
