Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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