I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Even my vagina gasped.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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