I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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