We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
