You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
