Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
