I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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