Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
did i just pee glitter
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize