we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Your dad touched me again.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
