He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
