I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
