i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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