Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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