You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
