I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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