I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
