it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
