I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
