The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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