whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
