Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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