I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
