you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
