i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
false alarm. still invincible.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
