If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.