The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper