hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.