you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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