Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
50% drunk capacity currently
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Randomize
