Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
