Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
