Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
