her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
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