With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
