so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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