all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
