You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
