Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
