I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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