man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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