Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
