1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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