Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
