I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
