Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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