Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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