I looked at my own cervix.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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