yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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