I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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