Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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