I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
