The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
