We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
