i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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