the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
