Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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