I think I died a long time ago.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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