Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
