I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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