Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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