Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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