You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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