when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
