And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
