Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize