He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
