dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
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Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
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I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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